Gaslighting involves manipulating an individual, leading them to doubt their own experiences, emotions, perceptions, and interpretation of occurrences (American Psychological Association, “Gaslight”).
Gaslighting constitutes a type of emotional abuse as it has the potential to make a person question their mental stability.
If you or someone you care about is currently undergoing gaslighting, the initial stride in halting it and regaining a true sense of reality involves recognizing the indicators.
Common Strategies Employed in Gaslighting
Several widely recognized gaslighting techniques include:
- Denial: Perpetrators repudiate specific incidents or conversations, leading those targeted to question their own recollections.
- Direct Falsehoods: Offenders fabricate outright lies, leaving victims unsure of their grip on reality.
- Diversion: Manipulators shift subjects or the direction of conversations to perplex victims.
- Minimization: Those engaging in gaslighting belittle the emotions of victims, fostering a sense of insignificance regarding their concerns and depicting them as excessively sensitive.
- Projection: Culprits ascribe their own behavior to their victims, accusing them of actions for which the culprits are truly responsible, all in an effort to shift blame.
- Erosion: Gaslighters use subtle or explicit tactics to undermine the self-assurance of their targets.
- Inducing Uncertainty: Perpetrators make victims question their own reality.
- Proxy Exploitation: Manipulators recruit others to validate their fabricated narratives or discredit the victims.
Gaslighting can deeply impact the mental and emotional well-being of those targeted, fostering feelings of confusion, self-doubt, and diminished trust in oneself and others. The effects can encompass anxiety, depression, thoughts of suicide, and a sense of isolation, as the manipulated reality is persistently invalidated.
Instances of Gaslighting in Various Contexts Every Day—And Appropriate Ways to React
Gaslighting is frequently characterized by its subtlety, making it challenging to identify. Here are several instances of gaslighting across various scenarios, along with recommended responses and actions.
Gaslighting in Personal Relationships
Here are a few instances of gaslighting occurring within personal relationships involving friends and family:
- Denying past events: “I never uttered those words. You must be fabricating scenarios. Your tendency to invent things is constant.”
- Belittling your worries: “Why are you blowing this out of proportion? It’s not a significant issue. You’re excessively delicate. Quit turning tiny issues into major problems.”
- Employing third-party validation: “Others are in accord with me. Your perspective stands alone in this matter.”
How to Respond
If you have a suspicion that a friend or family member is attempting to gaslight you, here are some approaches that can be effective:
Maintain composure: Even though it may be challenging in the moment, strive to stay composed and collected. Gaslighters frequently aim to incite emotional responses to bolster their manipulation. By keeping your emotions under control, you’ll find it simpler to respond logically.
Refrain from entering arguments: Gaslighters often thrive on generating disputes and bewilderment. Try your best not to be pulled into never-ending debates. Instead, concentrate on calmly asserting your emotions.
Define boundaries: Clearly set boundaries with the gaslighter and minimize interactions whenever possible.
Gaslighting in Professional Settings
These instances illustrate gaslighting behaviors within professional environments involving colleagues, managers, and subordinates:
- Appropriating your achievements while disregarding your contributions: “The success of that project was solely due to my ingenuity and concepts.”
- Holding you accountable for a project’s failure instead of assuming responsibility: “My project’s failure can be attributed to your lack of adequate support.”
- Disregarding your qualifications: “You wouldn’t grasp this; it’s excessively intricate for someone of your caliber.”
- Devaluing your suggestions: “That idea is the most inferior I’ve come across. It’s utterly impractical.”
- Exhibiting disrespect when you rectify them: “I possess far more experience in this field than you do. Spare me your guidance on how to fulfill my role.”
How to Respond
If you suspect that a colleague is attempting to gaslight you at work, here are several strategies that can prove helpful:
Document in written form: Ensure that all discussions with the individual are conveyed via email, allowing you to possess evidence of the facts in case they try to counter with different claims. For example, transmit your ideas or inputs through email rather than verbally, thereby preventing them from asserting your lack of contribution to the project.
Maintain a record: Chronicle instances of gaslighting, encompassing dates, times, and explicit behaviors or remarks involved. Maintaining a documented record can prove invaluable should you need to elevate the matter or safeguard your interests in the future.
Confront the matter: If you feel at ease and secure, consider directly addressing the gaslighting conduct with the person responsible. Politely yet assertively emphasize your expectation to receive respectful and professional treatment.
Report their conduct: Should a direct conversation with the gaslighter fail to rectify the issue, escalate the concern to the pertinent channels within your organization. Lodge a report regarding their behavior with a higher-level manager or the human resources department.
Weigh your choices: If the gaslighting persists and detrimentally impacts your professional trajectory and mental well-being, it might be wise to assess your alternatives. This could entail discussing a potential transfer to another department or exploring different employment prospects.
Seek legal guidance if necessary: If the gaslighting behavior crosses into harassment territory or gives rise to a hostile work environment, you might need to consult a legal expert to comprehend your rights and potential avenues of action.
Gaslighting in Romantic Relationships
Here are some instances of gaslighting within romantic relationships, reworded:
- Refusing culpability: “That’s not how it happened. You’re fabricating stories to stir up trouble.”
- Providing false information: “We never agreed to be exclusive. You must have misinterpreted our conversation.”
- Assigning blame to you for their actions: “I wouldn’t react so strongly if you didn’t constantly provoke me. Your behavior causes mine.”
- Creating isolation: “Your friends are harmful and don’t genuinely care about you. You’re better off without them. Don’t go out without me.”
- Inducing uncertainty about your sanity: “You need to sort out your thoughts.”
How to Respond
If you suspect that your partner is attempting to gaslight you, here are some strategies to consider:
Stay attuned to yourself: Gaslighting may lead to self-questioning, so it’s important to remain connected to your emotions and remind yourself of your value. Be mindful of any shifts in your thoughts or feelings.
Use “I” statements: When addressing your partner’s behavior, employ “I” statements to convey your emotions and experiences without sounding accusatory. For instance, you could say, “I feel hurt when my feelings are dismissed” instead of “You always make me doubt myself.”
Assess the relationship: Take a step back and objectively evaluate the relationship. Reflect on whether the gaslighting behavior is a recurring pattern or if it arises from a specific issue that can be resolved through open dialogue. If despite your efforts the gaslighting persists, consider whether the relationship is conducive to your long-term well-being.
Prioritize safety if necessary: If you feel unsafe or if the gaslighting is escalating into emotional or physical abuse, prioritize your safety. Reach out to a support network or a domestic violence helpline for assistance. Your safety is paramount.
How to Cope With the Effects of Being Gaslighted
Dealing with gaslighting can prove challenging, but there exist various strategies that might be beneficial, as outlined by Wilson:
Rely on your intuition: Don’t dismiss your emotions as unwarranted or irrational. Take heed of your feelings and perceptions, understanding that they hold validity.
Maintain a journal: Record instances of gaslighting to detect behavior patterns and uphold clarity regarding the situation.
Seek out support: Engage in conversations with friends, family members, or a therapist who can offer understanding and validation.
Prioritize self-care: Participate in activities that enhance your well-being and bolster your self-assurance.
Contemplate professional assistance: If gaslighting is impacting your mental health or overall well-being, considering therapy or counseling can assist you in managing the emotional repercussions and developing effective coping mechanisms.